Esquire’s 2011 Ultimate Bachelor Pad in DUMBO, Brooklyn

December 6, 2011

clock built-into wall, clocktower
Hello, Quasimodo…

Esquire magazine’s 9th annual Esquire House, the “Ultimate Bachelor Pad,” is in an old clocktower in the DUMBO neighb of Brooklyn.

A clocktower?! With 14-foot floor-to-ceiling glass clocks built into the walls?!

I die.

I love everything about the place — everything from the two dining tables to the aquarium in the workout room to the “toys” like telescopes and turntables — but mostly it’s just he fact that the house is a 6,800 square foot clocktower.

open floor plan with two dining tables

Though the photos garner oohs and aahs of a pretty spectacular place, it was actually something in the article itself that struck me the most.

“Nobody actually lives in the apartment…It’s a shame, because as we got to see the place is seriously awesome.”

As spacious, gorgeous and well-equipped as the place is, no one lives there because it’s just for show. It makes me wonder if someone actually could live there. Do you really need two dining tables? Do you really gaze out over the Brooklyn bridge through your thousand dollar telescope on a regular basis? Would you really use an elevator in your house?

And honestly, who really works out enough to have an entire workout room?

View of first floor, from above

view of dining area from above
It is hard to tell how “live-able” a place is until, well, you actually live there. Like this place we’re in right now.

I love it, I do, because it is gorgeous, etc. and everyone who ever comes over has the same reactions we did when we first walked through it — eyes wide-open, ooh-ing and aah-ing at the huge, open airy spaces, floor to ceiling windows and ultra-sleek kitchen.

But after being here for a little over a year, we’re finding that this “Live/Work House” is not quite so practical for living. And/or working. We’ve mentioned to a few people that we are considering a move and their reactions are just short of horror.

“Why?!”

“Your place is amazing!!!”

“No, seriously, why?!?!”

The things that, as a visitor, seem so appealingly awesome, are, as a resident, a cold reality. Literally, cold. The plexiglass walls and floor-to-ceiling windows, vertical loft-like design, and polished concrete floors make it difficult to maintain a consistent temperature in the house. Uninsulated walls and windows mean that as a whole, the house can’t stay warm. Nor can it stay cool. Warm air rises all the way to the top so the bedroom on the top floor will be 80+ degrees while the first floor will be 50 degrees (not an exaggeration). I am buying Uggs to wear inside the house.

Can I also tell you what “ultra sleek, modern” actually means? “No storage.”

Like I said, though, I do love our house. There are a lot of things that we would never be able to find somewhere else (like seriously, a life-size lightbox for me as a food pornographer?!), but I’m just laser-focused on those few things because, well, it feels like a stone-cold museum in here right now.

{via Business Insider}

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

catty December 8, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Oh hai, it’s me again, coming over after commenting on The Delicious Life :) can I be real anal and correct you on something? It’s 6,800-square-foot (says the Business Insider article) – your post says 6,88. And also, uggs are MEANT for indoors. People who wear them out? Not cool. (even if Rachel Zoe says so!). ok bye!

Reply

Sarah J. Gim December 8, 2011 at 6:52 pm

YES! please be anal! wait… that sounds wrong in the right context. but really, you think casalicious here has the cash-ay to have a full-time editor?!?!

thank you :)

(edited)

WineDineDaily February 25, 2012 at 11:26 am

Thank you for the awesome photos. Love the built in glass clocks and the 2 dining tables are truly chic.
Cheers,
J & C

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